i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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