Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You pole danced in your parka.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
