thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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