dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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