Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
