it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
and you fell through a lawn chair
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
