Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
