At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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