Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
