bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
