I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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