Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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