my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
