i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
