I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
