I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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