somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
