uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
