Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
