Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
