We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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