if i can run in heels then i can drive
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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