how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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