My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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