When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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