my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
