I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
