he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
