This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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