the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
