She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
