she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
