yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
