I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
