I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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