I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Damn victory sex feels great
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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