just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
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