I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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