i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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