I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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