Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
