Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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