a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
