at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
