6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
