Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
