dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
