I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
