i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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