Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Too much gin, very little bucket
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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