He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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